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Mum's (not) the word

Me to the old man sitting in his front garden: "Isn't it the most glorious afternoon?" Old man: "Yes but your peace is about to be shattered"
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry, what do you mean?"
Old man: "Aren't you walking down to the school to collect your children?"
Me: "No, I don't have kids. My peace is going to remain intact well into the evening, and the next day, and the day after that"
Old man: "Lucky you!"
As I walked into the village, wading my way through hip-height, snotty-nosed, screaming kids, and parents with expressions of defeat on their faces – I took a moment to let the old man’s words sink in…

Lucky me.
When I enter Tesco (which I try not to do as it’s a place that numbs my soul) and hear a mother absolutely losing her shit at her two kids or a toddler letting out a high-pitch squeal that feels like it could burst my eardrum, I think… Lucky me.
When my friend tells me that her and her husband have had four wee…

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