Sunday, June 21, 2015

The invincible summer within me


"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” - Albert Camus. 

On the eve of the longest night here in the Southern Hemisphere I hold onto this beautiful quote. I was told by my orthopaedic specialist on Friday that it could take up to six months for my ankle to heal due to the severity of bone bruising that occurred as a result of my accident in Nepal. 

Acceptance is something I've never been very good at. One of the reasons I wanted to spend a few months living in a foreign land was to work on letting go of fear... accepting whatever comes my way... trusting that I am strong enough... surrendering to the present moment. When I arrived in Nepal I booked myself into an Ayurveda retreat to cleanse my body. I went to a Buddhist centre to clear my mind. I began my mornings with meditation and yoga. And, as the weeks passed, I started feeling a deep sense of calm. I felt grounded...'at peace' with the earth. And I was confident I'd be leaving the rooftop of the world with some sort of Degree in Spirituality / Bachelor of Acceptance.

But what happens when the thing you rely on to keep you stable - to keep you centred and calm - starts to shake and crack under your feet? What happens when you can't rely on your own body to support you - to help you flee from danger?

The earthquake and my injury have taught me more about acceptance than any self help book or guru ever could. They have forced me to be still. To sit with myself - my thoughts, my demons. To breathe. To give myself credit for the little things I achieve on a daily basis (like getting my hot water bottle across the room by balancing it on my head whilst on crutches...win!). To open my heart to strangers. To be grateful for so many things.

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